Or we could

This writing has no meaning, it's just a rambling inside that tries to come out.

Fortunately I was strong enough to be able to keep it at bay for the time being. It's was the first time in my life when I was in a spot like that and to not make a mistake. It was hard and every cell of my body was fighting my mind to not follow. It was hard to not flinch a muscle in wrong direction so that I will seal my faith with the decisions that created chaos in my order.
As the moon was up on the sky and the night would make a good counselor between us there were words going back an forth, ideas,  frustrations, looks that could not be described by million words. I guess that what it was expected it was magical, the sees would depart the sun would have risen in the middle of the nigh and shine on the blackest thought of what a mortal mind would cope. But, we must remain in the present, as painful and useless it might be and how difficult it might have be this is what slayed kings, broken allegiances or started wars, great warriors have fallen beneath it. The smell makes you come closer, makes you do things that only with voodoo would seem possible or do not have any rational explanations. You want to escape, you want to run in the darkness of the night like a creature from the underworld. The only escape is to accept it and refuse it. A poisoned apple it's beautiful to look at but it's deadly to taste.

Maybe in a deep slumber things are not like this. There are no string attached, there are no bad decisions, there are borders, everything is clear and easy.

My tongue hurts, it was not touched by what it deserves, by it's twin, by it's mirror image. The animal inside is asleep, it will not awake to create chaos again. He feeds my shell with violent colors.

I guess I will never know what it feels to kiss the cold naked truth.